He asked me to marry him. I said no, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm not. He is asking someone else right now.

the crowd has made me nervous
i came here for the money and the music
but now i am sweaty and alone with too many strangers to look at
they move quickly, i can't keep my eye on them
who knows what they're doing behind my back
drink slowly, then drive
breath... until he chokes me
thank him, it's polite
try not to fuck it up
just fuck it up
i say 'you know you love me' he says 'yeah, i do'
it's late
let it all burn

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep. ~LC

Today I am thinking about carrying on. How unthinking and excruciating it is, we carry on. We eat and shit and fuck. We talk and talk and talk. We carry on. It is such a rare joy to find something that takes my breath away. Or someone. I have been blessed, privileged with the gut-rotting, elevating experience of joy. Have you? Have any of us, really? Can we prove it? Or just think of it, imagine it. Here in the dark, a thousand kisses deep, I am sure I have felt... something.

I can't stop shopping. I absolutely admit I am using shopping as a substitute for love. My new mattress, laptop, carpet and chandelier make me very happy. That's enough for now.

I don't even like shopping...

My very first blog posting is about doughnuts... and how delicious they are. I feel very strongly about this. So strongly, that I have sent my best friend to break into her neighbor's apartment looking for sugar so we can make more of these delicious treats.

I have just returned from a very long business trip in Jackson MS. My time in the south has reminded me that frying food is the fastest way to make anything taste like a litte piece of heaven. Jackson is just a 3 hour drive away from the great city of New Orleans. This town is home to many great wonders, but the greatest among these is the 'beignet'. The Cafe Du Monde is famous for these sugar coated morsels, and I will gladly drive all night for a sample.

I suspect someday I will post abut something other than fried deliciousness. That is of course assuming I remember how to access my blog. In the meantime, I highly recommend trying a beignet if you haven't already. It will change your life. For realsies.